Ted's RPG Rant

A place to rant about RPG games, particularly the Temple of Elemental Evil. Co8 members get a free cookie for stopping by. Thats ONE cookie each, no seconds.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Hidden gems

Firstly, let me say the 3rd patch is up! It is available at Co8, here!! As with the others it fixes a couple little nigglies (needs an additional file download from pg 6)and adds some new content, a fully voiced extra bit in Mother Screng's dlg so you can buy Cujo's magical tattoo's from her. Price, 15 large.

Now, today's rant... I could rant for HOURS about that damn gnoll encounter in the moathouse, I swear they use a set of d40's for the gnolls and d5's for the PC's... but this rant will be far more pleasant :-)

The following is a series of lines from ToEE dlg files that I have come across that you may not have noticed in the game. Or perhaps you have. Many are from the 'stupid NPC' reponse which generally doesn't get used, since you tend to have social skills based on INT and therefore keep your Rogue / Bard talker quite smart. The 'stupid PC' responses are almost always played for laughs one way or another, often would leave you not knowing what was actually being referred to if it was all you relied on (being full of "Leave It To Beaver"-esque mispronunciations, such as always calling Elmo 'Elbow') and on more than one occasion spawns its own series of dialogue thread that ends up with an exasperated NPC having a negative reaction adjustment to something the stupid PC says. The writer doubtless had a lot of fun creating these, but most will never see the light of day in the ordinary person's game.

Here's an example, involving Myella (the church serving woman in the basement of St Cuthbert's) and the flour quest.

PC: You still need pretty flowers?
Myella: Not flowers, you dumb ox. I need flour, you know, for baking?
PC: You bake flowers?
Myella: [She sighs] Look, if you want to help, go to the Miller and say "Calmert would like you to donate flour for church baking needs". OK? Repeat it back to me.
PC: Calmert wants you for his aching needs? // [Lines like this put Bertram in perspective!]
Myella: [She stomps her foot] No, no, no. Tell him Calmert expects a donation!
PC: Calmert expectorated a donut?
Myella: [She throws her hands in the air] Go tell him anything you want! Just go!

I have pulled out a few lines here and there to give a sample. Others are simply obscure lines that made me sit up when I saw them.

"Me give you a golden shower if you want." (Mandy)

PC: What here?
Labourer: Here is where we camp. We are building the castle for Burne and Rufus.
PC: What, here?
Labourer: No, not here, dummy. Across the road here. [points at the tower] Right next to this tower.
PC: [sniffs under arm] Yes, me go take shower.

Y'Dey: Hehehe. But not as old as you think, sonny.
PC: No, you old. You almost dead, I think.
Y'Dey: Now if I didn't hear the wind a-whistlin' between your ears, I'd think you were being rude to Mother Screng. But you are right, sonny. My best days are behind me.
PC: Haha! Me right. You gonna die soon!
Y'Dey: Look, my mentally challenged little friend! [pulls back hood and rubs away some of the wrinkles]. I am under cover here. Now don't blow it for me. Begone!
PC: [looking around] Me not under covers. Where covers? Me not see bed.
Y'Dey: Exactly as I thought. Now run along, sonny. Play time is almost over.
PC: Yay! Play time. Me go play now!

"Oh my! You must be happy to see me because I can clearly see that is no concealed weapon!" (Sunom - and along a similar line...)
"Excuse me, sir, but your...um...banana and berries are showing, if you catch my drift."

And the final word goes to category.mes:


At 10:51 pm, Anonymous just a bum said...

ahahah soem funnieh sheet homie!!1

um but thees writers musta been soem kind of pervs haha golden showers omg no wonder noone buyed their gaem n they bankcrupt O_o

At 4:17 am, Anonymous Gaear said...

Mandy offers a golden shower? Geez, the Troika gang were even more fixated on freaky sex stuff than I thought. Maybe they secretly reorganized to develop titles for Hustler and Penthouse.

At 2:02 pm, Blogger ShiningTed said...

The dopey PC offers Mandy a golden shower when she tells her weasely husband "they are not here to shower us with gold". Damn that woman is hideous!

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